


falling feathers

by silencedmockingjay



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 00:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11428998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silencedmockingjay/pseuds/silencedmockingjay
Summary: Viktor's tired of being Icarus, flying high into the sky only to fall, trailing feathers as he plummets.





	falling feathers

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING TW: SUICIDE MENTIONS + DEPRESSION
> 
> SOOOO hahah yeah i kinda think i went overboard with the angst on this one... but heck it. Let's do this. 
> 
> This was originally on my tumblr as a ficlet: https://overcome-chihoko.tumblr.com/post/162701851008/warning-tw-for-suicide-mentions-depression-the

The room was eerily quiet. It felt like it had always been that way.

 

Viktor didn’t know how long he had been falling.

 

Had it been weeks? Months? Years? He’d lost track of time, lost track of the countless moments that had passed since his life had begun to spiral dramatically out of control. Lost track of the time since his parents had given up on him, since Yakov turned his back on him, since the day his rinkmates had walked away from him without even turning their heads back once. He was falling, cold inside and outside, with sweat beading on his temples and trickling on his back, and he was so, so alone.

 

_Flash._

 

_“Vitya, are you okay?”_

 

_Flash._

 

_“Vitya, are you well?”_

 

_Flash._

 

_“Viktor, I heard you have been doing well.”  
_

 

_Flash._

 

_He’s standing in front of a tombstone as the rain falls down around him, the world rushing and dipping and swaying, and he kneels down to catch his breath, to brush his hands across the words on the limestone._

 

_“Yuuri Katsuki,” he breathes, savouring the taste and the shape of his mouth as the words of his ex-fiance roll off his tongue._

 

_Then he’s up again, leaving the tombstone, running away while the wind and rain beat down against him, berating him for leaving so early, for being a coward, to refuse to confront Yuuri Katsuki even in death._

 

_It didn’t matter._

 

_Somehow, Yuuri had always won all his arguments. Why would it change now?_

 

_In his haste, he doesn’t see the car incoming._

 

Helpless, unable to do anything but look and see and hear the wind rushing in his ears, as everyone looked the wrong way, as they all moved on with their lives and left him back where they started. Leaving him behind. Leaving him to drown.

 

“Don’t you see what’s happening to me?” he wanted to scream. “Don’t you want to help me?”

 

He often thought that his cry was one that would never be answered.

 

Would the silence in this room last for an eternity? It seemed like it, even though he knew that silence was almost always temporary.

 

They ignored his call, the cruel ones, laughing behind his back while he plummeted like a bird with a broken wing, tumbled in merciless air drafts and dropping like a stone towards the sea of broken dreams and souls that threatened to swallow him up like they had with so many others before him.

 

He couldn’t be the only one to suffer like this…

 

…Right?

 

_Flash._

 

_Bright lights. It’s too bright._

 

_He sits up almost immediately, feeling woozy and giddy. Where is he? He certainly isn’t in his house, the walls aren’t this white-_

 

_It’s only when he looks out of the window that he realises he’s in a hospital._

 

_Flash._

 

_“I’m sorry, Mr Nikiforov and Mr Feltsman..”  
_

 

_He doesn’t want to hear anything. He’s looking out the window again._

 

_“…permanent damage to his legs…”  
_

 

_He doesn’t want to hear._

 

_“…will never be able to skate again…”  
_

 

_He wonders why he was born if he has to suffer through this much in his life._

 

He looked out at the seemingly peaceful neighbourhood of his.

 

What it would be like to just crash right here and now? he wondered.

 

To crash into the sea so it could all end, this tormenting anger and despair and hopelessness, this heart-wrenching belief that no one would help him, and the fact that he just wanted all this to end.

 

Crashing into the sea… crash down, down, down, use his last moment on earth to go down with nothing but ripples to mark where he had been before…

 

Crashing….

 

How quiet it was here. It was almost like the quiet of the countryside when the moon’s face was full and children hid away in their beds, the witching hour in which nothing stirred, nothing dared to break the silence.  Somehow peaceful and comforting and oppressive and tranquil all at the same time.

 

_Flash._

 

_“I give up, Vitya!” Yakov’s face is full of anger. Viktor, half-tipsy on flutes of wine, is gigglilng incoherently into his glass. “I give up on you. You were always like this after Yuuri Katsuki died. Get over him, Vitya. Stop ruining yourself!”  
_

 

_Flash._

 

_“Idiot,” Yurio’s voice is sharp, razorlike voice grating on Viktor. “Just retire already. You’re ruining yourself like this.”  
_

 

_Flash._

 

_“Vitya, how can someone who destroys himself rebuild others again?” A soft yet all too familar voice chides, the ghostly warmth of hands lingering against his neck and cheeks.  
_

 

Maybe…

 

He glanced towards the open window.

 

Maybe he could go. Silently. Softly, so no one could hear him, so no one could see him being swallowed up.

 

Shhh-shhh. The sounds of the silence finally being broken by the soft sliding sound of feet clad in socks against the wooden floor.

 

Creak. The sounds of the rusty old windowsill being opened.

 

Pat, pat. Feet stepping on the windowsill.

 

A rush of air.

 

It was strange.

 

Just before he fell, he could’ve sworn he felt like he could fly.

 

Crack.

 

Silence.

 

This time, the silence was eternal.

 

The cherry blossom petals of the trees outside his window drifted down in his wake like falling feathers.

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to check out my other works for YOI and follow me on tumblr! i'm always there @ overcome-chihoko :D


End file.
